Marriage: A Monument

Reflections on marriage

I have been married for under a year. So I am no expert on being married. However, I have had a couple of thoughts about it that I would like to share in this week's essay. The idea came to me when I was engaged to my wife. This idea that marriage is a monument that we use to look at what God has done. Specifically thinking of Ephesians chapter 5 where Paul explicitly tells us that marriage refers to Christ and the Church. I also think of the wedding day as a monument, like a stone that is set up in the land so that whoever walks by it remembers what the Lord did there. 

First, marriage is a like a monument because it should remind us of what the Lord Christ has done for all believers, the church. It is a monument in the way that when we think of the cross of Christ we see an immovable stone that should remind us of how he sacrificed his life for all the church. Ephesians 5 gives us this statement in verse 32 "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church." also in verse 25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." These two verses refer to the relationship of Christ and the church. The former tells us that our marriages are like Christ and the church and the latter tells us of what Christ did. We are the reflection, the shadow, the reminder of what things are supposed to be like. 

My marriage is like the stone that Jacob set up in Bethel. When I think of my marriage, I am drawn to think of something beyond the mere fact of my being married. Just as the stones that were erected by the patriarchs were meant to remind passersby that the Lord had done something there. When I reflect on my marriage I am compelled to amazement that I am even married at all, let alone to my wonderful wife. One of the prayers that my wife and I prayed together when we were engaged was that God would work in our relationship in a way that only he could. I do not want to take the credit or the glory, I want God to be the one who sustains us and holds us together. He is the unifying factor and our common goal for both of us. 

Looking specifically at our wedding day, the desire of my wife and I was that that day would be a monument, a witness, to the faithfulness of God. I hope that we did that, and I believe that we did. We wanted things to point towards God, even though the day was about the creation of our new union. We recognized that it was only possible through the mighty working of God. For both of us, when we think of our wedding day, we are reminded of the faithfulness of God in all that he did to get us there. 

In a very real way, our wedding day is like a large stone that was erected in our minds that draws our thoughts beyond that special day to something much bigger and far more glorious. When we move our thoughts beyond merely being married to the glorious truth of what our marriage represents, the sacrifice of Christ, and the redemption of his people, our hearts become glad. And as our hearts are increasing in gladness as we begin to understand the metaphor of marriage we are able to love our spouse deeper and sacrificially. This love as Chris Mueller says in Let Men Be Men is a "spirit-created desire." To love our wives sacrificially builds our marriage into a monument throughout the entirety of our lives. We hope and pray that our marriage would be like that for others, but first that we would always trust and depend on our God to work in our marriage in a way that only he can do. 

In times of hardship, my wife and I can look back and see how God has been faithful throughout our relationship and even before we were together. God is always at work and in those big beautiful moments, we can construct a monument in our minds to remember what the Lord has done. Where we then use that memory to praise God and be encouraged by how he was faithful to us at that time. In the same way, we have the Word of God where we can continually return to the fountain of truth and love to be sustained and reminded of God's promises. Psalm 1 describes a wise man like a tree planted by streams of water. The tree does not wither and yields its fruit in its appointed time. The word of God is like a stream, we are to be the trees. I pray that my marriage is like that, a tree planted by streams of life-giving water. And even more, I hope that I am in an orchard of other fruit-giving trees. 

This is another wonderful thing about marriage, we get to see how Christ is at work in the world around us through the marriages of other believers. I am greatly encouraged by my married friends, they have been and still are a deep source of joy in how they love Christ and live out that love in their lives. I get to see them respect and love each other just as Ephesians 5 teaches them. For me, they are a monument, a testimony, of God's faithfulness. To see them is to see God at work, loving, guiding, and sanctifying them all. I want to be around them, to witness God's faithfulness in their life and I hope that I may learn from and with them. 

Christian marriage is a marvelous reflection of the joyful fullness of God. It represents the unwavering patient faithfulness of Christ with the Church and how he loved them, loved them until the end. And even then, he came back from the dead and returned to them, giving them the truth and encouraging them. I want my marriage to be a reflection, a witness, not of myself or my wife, but of the ever-living Christ and what he has accomplished. 

"looking to Jesus, the founder, and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."  Hebrews 12.2

Jesus founded our marriage, indeed he created the very institution of it, and he is faithful to complete it. 

I shall endeavor to stack every stone of truth upon the monument of our marriage. To build it ever higher so that I can be reminded of God's faithfulness in our lives. To not see myself but to see the loving work of Jesus, of his sacrifice and his victory. And I look forward to that glorious wedding feast, on that wonderful joy-filled day when I will look back and remember that I was married to a wonderful woman, who is beside me in heaven and now we will both partake in this new marriage of the Church and the Lamb. 

 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!

For the Lord our God

the Almighty reigns.

Let us rejoice and exult

and give him the glory,

for the marriage of the Lamb has come,

and his Bride has made herself ready;

it was granted her to clothe herself

with fine linen, bright and pure”—

- Revelation 19.6-8